Lars Ulrich is a douchebag. And here's why:

This past weekend, I switch on the radio, and to my pleasant surprise the drummer for Metallica is chatting up the new album. And then, for some ungodly reason, the discussion veers head-on to Guitar Hero (oh fuck, here we go).

Here I am hoping that Lars will talk some sense into the world and tell everyone that they're wasting precious time that could be spent...oh I dunno, let's see....playing an actual fucking guitar? But no, he actually goes on to endorse this rubbish.

Why in the hell is such a plastic piece of shit so popular? Why play something that's so close to the real thing, yet teaches no musical skills whatsoever? Mindboggling.

Now, I agree that the spirit behind this fad is far better than the endless line of ‘shoot-em-ups' that grace our fine planet. However, all virtual gaming is a piss poor excuse for recreation. And we wonder why much of Western Society is going to hell in a bucket of fried chicken! Wake up fat asses! It's better to rock out with a real guitar, or grab a ball and play some football in the park than to waste your time sodding off with this horse shit.

And another thing. As an average bloke who's been learning to play guitar for a couple of years now, I find that playing a real instrument is hard enough, but at least it's productive.

The popularity of Guitar Hero and Rockstar cannot be denied, and the number of real musicians selling out to this diseased cash cow makes me want to throw myself in front of Liam Gallagher's tour bus and end it all here and now. Good lord! Respectable bands are actually using these games as an additional platform to sell their music with new download packages. Hey dickheads, stop buying this shit. You're ruining everything!

So my question remains...What the fuck is up with fucking Guitar Hero? Anyone who says it's just a harmless game can piss off. That's my whole bloody point. It's a shit game. It's gone too far. And it has to stop.

I'd hereby like to state that I hope one day the world will wake up from their virtual dreams and rejoice round the biggest bonfire the world has ever seen, celebrating music in ways not seen since the early days of Woodstock (FYI no way in hell Jimmy Hendrix would have been caught dead letting some frat boy play "Purple Haze" on a fake guitar with plastic buttons. I'm just saying.)

My verdict? Lars Ulrich and Guitar Hero can officially PISS OFF.

Story by the Artist formerly known as Jimmy No-Mates.